Two Years and Counting

Two years ago today I got that terrible phone call with my biopsy results.  I can say without a doubt it was the most difficult day of my life to date (hopefully forever!).

Today I took Claire for a checkup at her pediatrician where it was confirmed she is a very healthy girl.

A couple weeks ago had another set of follow-up appointments.  Bilateral mammograms followed by an exam with Dr. Kuhn where she told me everything looked great.  Always nice to hear!  And now another 6 months before I get to have another mammogram.

Still Following-Up & A Story

Last week I had my check-up with Dr. Bridges.  Everything still going great so that is good!  We did test my Vitamin D level and it was in the normal range between 30 and 80, but it was 32, so he recommended I start taking that.  (There has been some research suggesting a possible link between breast cancer and low levels of Vitamin D.)  You'd think with all the sun I get it would have been higher.  More sunbathing for me!  Next check-up will be with Dr. Kuhn in October for mammograms and then an exam with her.

Side story... I was at Claire's school tonight for a back to school night and ended up walking down the hallway next to another mom who was wearing a head scarf.  You know the kind I'm talking about... not the kind someone would wear just as part of an outfit, but the kind that are meant to cover your bald head.  I wanted to say something to her, something encouraging and kind.  I remember when various women said things to me... and I wondered, would I do the same? 

Well, the answer is not yet.  I couldn't do it.  Just thinking about what I might say to her made my eyes hurt and want to cry, which didn't seem very cool or kind.  I was a little surprised because I really don't feel traumatized by my experience.  In fact most of the time it just seems like a dream that I'm not even sure it really happened.  But then seeing someone who is going through it all right at this moment reminds me of how I felt when I was in that moment.  Sad.  Angry.  Of course I was happy and filled with gratitude much of the time too, because of all the great people and things to be thankful in my life.  Hopefully as more and more time goes by I will be able to pay forward the kind words that were said to me.

More Follow-up

Last week I had more follow-up appointments (every 6 months).  On Monday I had a breast MRI followed by mammograms on my right side (where the cancer was).  Then on Thursday I had an exam with Dr. Kuhn (my radiation oncologist).  Everything looked good and I'm officially still cancer-free.  Yay!  We celebrated by finally drinking the bottle of prosecco we bought while I was doing chemo last year.  Maybe I should buy another bottle so we can celebrate again in 6 months.

Follow-up

Today I had a 6-month checkup with Dr. Bridges.  I hadn't been back to MSTI since before Christmas.  I was surprised Stacy at the check-in still remembered me!

It was just a routine checkup to make sure I wasn't having any problems with the tamoxifen or any other concerns.  They took my vitals, we chatted for a few minutes, and that was pretty much it.  I don't have to see him again for another 6 months.  I will see Dr. Kuhn and have more mammograms in April.

One year ago today I also saw Dr. Bridges for a one-week post chemo appointment to check all my blood levels and evaluate how I had tolerated my first treatment.

That Bryce...

This story is not related to breast cancer, but it's related to a doctor visit so I'm sharing it here.

Last Saturday Bryce came down with a fever.  It continued through Sunday and into Monday.  I wasn't too worried because figured he was fighting something off and hopefully this fever would get it.  He doesn't like to take medicine so wasn't interested in my offer for some tylenol or something that might make him feel better.  And that was fine with me because like I said, fever is a good thing to fight off infection so I like to let it do it's job.  He didn't have any other symptoms.

Well, after 3 days of fever (102.4 at the highest reading) it seemed like he really wasn't getting better so I called the pediatrician (side note, we have insurance with in-network providers again!  That's a whole other story!).  Our regular doctor - Dr. Zieba - didn't have any appointments until late in the afternoon so I said we would see someone else in the office if possible.  Dr. Ally had an opening at 10 o'clock so we took it.  I had never met her before but have only heard great things about her from various friends who take there kids to the same office.

I was worried he would be extremely uncooperative at the doctor's office because he had been at home.  I was concerned about dehydration and had been bribing him with every possible option for hydration without a lot of success.  Gatorade, lemonade, Capri Suns, water, juice... anything!!!  Popcicles!  Please just drink child!!!  I had tried to look at his throat which didn't go well either.  So it was a pleasant surprise when he opened his mouth and turned his head and did everything the doctor asked him to at the appointment.  The nurse had taken a swab to check for strep and said his tonsils look pretty gnarly, so I wasn't very surprised when she peaked back in to tell us it was positive for strep.

Dr. Ally talked to Bryce about how important it was for him to take his medicine (I'd already explained the issues we've had with this in the past).  She told him he would have a choice, take the medicine which tastes like fruit or get a shot.  Of course he said he didn't want to take medicine or get a shot.  I was just glad to know there was a backup option.  We talked about that there was no choice but to take the medicine and get well (and I learned if you don't treat strep it can damage your heart and kidneys), so yeah, no choice... you have to get well!  We never got Bryce to agree to taking the medicine but I said I would have a stronger will than him and we'd get it done!

So we stopped by Sonic to pick up a slushy (more bribery for being good at the doctor's office and also some hydration, I could have cared less how sugared up it was at this point) and then we went to Fred Meyer to see if the prescription was ready for pick up.  We picked up the medicine along with a couple lollipops that were even more bribery for taking the medicine.  Bryce was pretty excited to get that lollipop... I felt there was a glimmer of hope.

Back home I asked Bryce if he wanted to drink the "pink drink" from a special spoon or I could squirt it in his mouth.  He wouldn't give me a response so I decided to go with the squirt option.  I held him on my lap.  He pushed my hands away and wouldn't open his mouth so I called in reinforcements.  "Juan, you're going to have to hold his arms down for me!"  Juan came in the bathroom and restrained our sons arms while I pried his mouth open a tiny bit and squirted some of the pink stuff in.

The good news was I got some in his mouth.  The bad news was he spit it straight back out into Juan's face and onto the wall.  Then for good measure he puked up any trace that might have actually made it into his system where it would start killing that bacteria.  So much for that plan...

We took a time out to clean up.  Juan commented that it was really hard to get that pink stuff cleaned off his glasses.

Next I tried to be a really good parent.  I know, if I put Bryce more in control of the situation maybe I'll have better success.  So I filled the medicine spoon and told Bryce he could hold it and he could drink it as slow or fast as he wanted.  The ball is in your court, buddy!  He just HAD to drink it all.  And when it was gone he could also have his lollipop of course!  I couldn't even get him to hold the spoon.

By this time my patience was pretty much gone.  I remembered when he was sick back in September and Dr. Zieba told me about her son not wanting to take medicine at this age and how after a couple attempted dosages he realized he was not going to win this battle.  I just couldn't give up and had to be stronger than him.  (Note, the medicine he was supposed to take back in September tastes terrible so she suggested mixing it with chocolate sauce.  That's how I ended up with chocolate sauce all over the shower.)

The battle was on...

I calmly laid a towel in the bathtub and told Bryce to lie down on it.  I think I "helped" him get in the tub.  Then I climbed in the tub and literally sat on top of him so that I was pinning his arms down.  Once again I pried his clenched jaws open, or rather sort of pinched his cheeks/mouth open which is more effective than prying.  Then I dumped that medicine in as much as I could.  He fought every second of it and I don't think he swallowed any.  We both had pink stuff all over us.

"Bummer buddy!  I don't think any got in your tummy so I guess we're going to have to try again.  Stay here!" I said.  I refilled the medicine spoon.  I was trying to stay positive.

The second attempt went just like the first.

So did the third.

And the fourth.

So much for me winning the battle of wills!  At this point it seemed more like child abuse than trying to help my sick child get well.  Also the first bottle of medicine was half gone!  I cleaned up the bathtub, then ran a bath and plopped him in it to clean the sticky pink stuff off of him and said, "Fine.  Guess you're going to get a shot."  I changed my clothes and called the doctor's office to see if we could come get that shot.  The nurse said to come in between 2 and 2:30.  I got Bryce out of the bath and put some clothes on him and then he was so exhausted (gee I wonder why, between being sick and now all this!) he immediately fell asleep in his bed where he slept for two hours until I woke him up to go get his shot.  Good thing he's cute.

Back at the doctor's office a nurse called Bryce's name.  First thing she said, she was really sorry, this was a painful shot.  The medicine is thick so it must be administered slowly (compared to regular vaccinations) and that his leg would be sore the rest of the day and probably the next, too.  She was more telling me this than Bryce, I think trying to prepare me for what was to come.  I said it couldn't be anymore painful than what we'd just been through at home and that he'd had plenty of opportunities to take the medicine and avoid this situation.  She said the injection must be given intramuscular, usually in the butt, but Bryce's thigh would work best (I assume because it's more meaty than his skinny booty).

I held him on my lap so that he couldn't move his arms.  She squeezed up against us to restrain his legs.  The poor guy cried and squirmed enough that he ended up getting two pokes to get the full injection made.  I did feel a little bad for him because I know it hurt.  (After thought... I should have pulled out my old numbing cream from my port for him.  Wonder if that would have helped/been ok?)  We sat there for about 5 minutes to make sure he didn't have an adverse reaction and then headed home.

The good news is Bryce is definitely feeling better today and tomorrow he is cleared to return to preschool.  Even though he didn't like the shot one bit, I don't feel confident he would take the medicine next time.  I just really hope he doesn't get sick and require medication for a REALLY long time.  Hopefully by the next time he'll have the maturity to make the situation less difficult and less painful for everyone involved!

Interesting tidbit... so the prescription at the pharmacy for amoxicillin cost me $15 after insurance (which saved me $5 according to the invoice).  He was supposed to take 1.5 tsp, twice a day for 10 days.  The shot was a one-time (all be it painful) deal that is supposed to be equally effective.  The charge at the doctor's office for the shot was $5 which they were going to submit to insurance so whatever my portion it can't be more than $5.  With either course of treatment they said he wouldn't be contagious after 24 hours (which would have been two doses of amoxicillin).

Another side note which will tie this back into the main topic of this blog... at the doctor's appointment one of the first questions the doctor asked was if there had been any changes to my or my husband's health.  I told her I had had breast cancer last year.  This doctor had breast cancer about a year before I did.  I actually already knew this because she is the pediatrician two good friends take their kids to and I believe at one time or another both friends had mentioned my medical situation to her.  I personally had never met her before and am glad I finally got to do so.  I had heard she was really good with kids and it is true.  She was great with Bryce and he responded to her well... even cooperated!  It was also interesting to talk with a fellow breast cancer survivor (ok, I can't believe I can say that... just like it felt surreal to type out that I had cancer last year).  I have found there is definitely a sort of fellowship among women who have been through a breast cancer diagnosis and treatment.

Also, she totally understood when I said I knew it was insane, but I had this distant thought when Bryce wasn't getting well that what if he has some weird cancer that is causing this!  I really hope we don't have to visit the doctor again for a long time, but if we do, I'm glad (a) that we have a great pediatrician's office with several wonderful doctors and (b) that we have a full insurance network again so we can keep seeing those same doctors!

I am actually seeing Dr. Fealko for my regular check up tomorrow.  Am I nervous.  Yes, when I allow myself to think about it.  I keep thinking, what if she feels something in my breast again?  I know she won't.  Right?  I really don't think she will, but I can't help imagining what if she does?  Then I just stop thinking about it because what's the point.  {UPDATE:  Everything looked good at my appointment.} I got a card in the mail the other day that I have an appointment with Dr. Bridges on February 24, too.  The fun just never ends.  All I know is I would much rather be taking myself to the doctor than Bryce or Claire!

Dr. Fealko

I was supposed to have my regular check-up with Dr. Fealko on January 11.  It was originally scheduled for back in October... but since I was already seeing Dr. Kuhn that month I moved this one so that rather than have two breast exams in the same month, I could get this bonus exam before I see Dr. Kuhn again in April.

Then... we got a new insurance carrier on January 1st and ran into some major issues... there are virtually ZERO doctors in-network with 100 miles of me!  So, I pushed my appointment with Dr. Fealko out into February and hoping to have something worked out by then.  In the meantime, I thought I would still write about how she became my regular OB/GYN and why she is awesome.

This is the story of how I met Dr. Fealko...

In early December (or late November?) of 2010, Juan and I were very excited to find out we were going to have another baby.  Shortly after seeing a positive result on a home pregnancy test I called my doctors office to make an appointment with Dr. Young at Women's Health Associates, who had delivered Claire.  I was sad to find out she wasn't delivering babies anymore so I would need to select a new doctor.  I decided to talk to some friends and get recommendations before picking a new doctor, but I knew I had plenty of time so wasn't worried.  We didn't tell anyone I was pregnant yet and even successfully kept it a secret through Juan's annual Christmas party.

December 14, 2010 started out like any other day.  I went to work, and I was having a bunch of girlfriends over to my house that evening for cookie party.  Everyone was bringing several dozen cookies over to exchange.  It was going to be fun!  At work, things were laid back.  We were decorating our hallway and offices for a contest at work.  I remember I was helping put snowflake wrapping paper on the cubicles when I started to not feel well and rushed to the bathroom.  I thought I was going to be sick.  I felt pretty yucky and thought maybe I was going to have morning sickness this time (I really didn't have much with Claire).

While I was in the bathroom I started to feel dizzy.  I was already sitting on my knees on the floor (because I thought I was going to be sick) and so I put my head down.  The next thing I remember is waking up on the floor... I remember thinking, "Oh my gosh!  I think I passed out!"  It was kind of scary but I didn't actually think much of it, pregnant people pass out in books routinely (I have since learned if you pass out and know you are pregnant you should call a doctor ASAP!).  I told my boss I wasn't feeling well and then a co-worker drove me home.  I figured I just needed to rest so I laid down and took a nap.  I still didn't feel very well and thought maybe I was having gas pains or something.  I didn't really hurt that bad, just uncomfortable.

My sister was watching Claire at the time and I realized I didn't feel up to driving over to pick her up.  So I called and asked Andrea if could bring her to our house.  I had to let the cat of the bag and tell her I was pregnant and that was why I wasn't feeling well.  So she dropped Claire off and at some point Juan came home from work.  I spent the afternoon resting and not feeling well.  I remember debating with Juan if I should call the doctor.  I didn't really have a doctor so wasn't even sure who to call.  Finally, after feeling like I was going to pass out again in the bathroom and then crawling on the floor to help Claire with something I realized I really did need to call the doctor!

I called Dr. Young's office and explained I was a former patient but currently "doctor-less" but hopefully someone could help me.  They got me to a triage nurse who asked me questions, then I would give answers, and then she would put me on hold to consult with a doctor.  This happened several times... finally after another hold, the nurse said I should go to the ER immediately, although I remember her sounding very calm.  She said it would be best if I came to the St. Luke's downtown because that is the only place their doctors can practice, but that I should go right now.  I told her I thought I could make it and we would head there now.  So we packed up Claire and drove to the ER.

There was one other problem... what was I going to do about all these girls bringing dozens and dozens of cookies over to my house that night??!!  I didn't even know if I would be home.  I called Dawn or Beth (or both?) to ask if they could help and let them know what was going on with me.  Of course they were happy to help... that was the end of my cookie party!

When I got to the ER I think I told them my pain was like a "3-4" on their happy/sad face chart.  Rather quickly, they got me into a room and an ER doctor came in to ask questions and check me over.  I think they took blood, too, and hooked me up to an IV.  At some point, I met Dr. Fealko.  She was the doctor on-call from my other doctor's office, Women's Health Associates.  She seemed nice enough.  They took me downstairs for an ultrasound which is when I really started to feel pain.  Searing pain in my shoulder.  I don't think the techs who do ultrasounds and those sorts of things are not allowed to tell you anything they see, and so this gal kept quiet and just said hang on, she was almost done.  Finally she was finished and she left the room so the radiologist could look at the films.  I remember laying there looking at the ceiling tiles and dimmed lights (side note... when I was laying there at the breast center waiting for the radiologist to look at those ultrasound films this was the exact moment I remembered).

Eventually the tech came back and I was taken back to my ER room.  At this point I know Dr. Fealko came in and talked to us.  I remember her saying I needed to have surgery as soon as possible.  She said they couldn't see an embryo or fetus or anything on the utlrasound and there was no baby that could be saved, but they could see a lot of blood and I was bleeding internally from most likely a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (when the embryo implants into the fallopian tube instead of the uterus) and there was no other option than an emergency surgery.  I didn't argue!

I remember a nurse had brought in an Elmo storybook for Claire and I read it to her while we getting things organized.  I remember reading to her and thinking, what if I die and these are the last moments I have with my daughter.  Once we knew I was going to have surgery I told Juan to call my sister to see if she could watch Claire overnight.  I think I told him to call Dawn and Beth too since they knew I had gone to the hospital and would be worried.

They gave me some pain medication which made me slightly loopy.  Juan left to take Claire over to my sister's house.  I remember I sent my phone with him, because after he was gone I realized I hadn't told my parents what was going on and now I had no way to call them.  I decided, oh well, there is nothing they can do and they would just worry about me if they knew.  (Note... this was not the correct decision... if you are in a life and death situation you should always call your mom! Sorry mom!!!)

I remember an orderly came in to do something with my personal belongings (clothes and purse was about all I had).  He said they didn't normally take purses and for some reason that sent me over the edge.  For the first time through the entire ordeal I felt intense pain through every inch of my body.  I remember pushing the nurses call button like crazy.  I think I told him I didn't care what he did with my purse... I'd just been told I'd lost a baby and needed surgery to keep me alive so it didn't matter.  I think he just put my purse in with my clothes after that.

I remember getting back into the operating room and Dr. Fealko being there saying I was going to be ok and just close my eyes.  Of course the next thing I remember is waking up in a recovery room.  Dr. Fealko came and talked to us and said how I'd lost half my blood volume and she would like me to get a unit of red blood cells as it would help me recover more quickly.  I think I joked that as long as it was Red Cross blood that was fine.  She said the fallopian tube on my left side was completely destroyed and there was no way to save it, but that I would should still be able to get pregnant even with just one tube.  She told me about her sister who had the same thing happen and went on to have two more children.  Through everything she was so kind and I had complete trust in her.

About a month later I had a follow-up appointment with her and she said I was cleared to try and get pregnant again if we wanted.  I asked if she would be able to be my doctor if I did get pregnant and she said that she would love to see me through a healthy pregnancy.  She also said that the second I thought I might be pregnant to take a test and if I had a positive result to call them immediately so I could come in for tests.  Having an ectopic pregnancy increases your risk of having it happen again.  I didn't have any of the risk factors for the first one and will never know why it happened.  I certainly didn't want it to happen again and be left with no fallopian tubes at all.

About 5 very long months later I did get pregnant!  I called Dr. Fealko and came in that day where they took a blood sample.  I had to go and have blood taken every 48 hours (I think?  Maybe every 24?).  Anyway, they tested the blood sample to watch a certain hormone level that when you are pregnant it doubles every 48 hours.  Once it reached a certain level they did an ultrasound to verify that there was an embryo in my uterus where it belonged.  I think I had to have 2 or 3 ultrasounds before they could see the future Mr. Bryce in there without a doubt.  After that my pregnancy was smooth sailing (well, except for that I had gestational diabetes for the last few months).

On January 13, 2012 Dr. Fealko helped bring Bryce into the world.  And she's been my doctor ever since.  After I was diagnosed with breast cancer I called her pretty much immediately... I was scared and needed to talk to someone as soon as possible to find out what I should do next and get her medical advice and recommendations for what doctor to see next.  I remember telling her, "Thank you!  Now you have saved my life twice!"  Without a second of hesitation she recommended Dr. Livingston as a surgeon and said they would send my records over to her office.  She explained the very little that was known about the cancer cells in my biopsy and helped me calm down a little bit.

Even if Dr. Fealko is going to be out-of-network with this new insurance plan and they won't cover a wellness visit with her at all, I don't care... I'm not changing to some other random doctor who doesn't know my history and might not be as competent and kind.  So that is the story of how Dr. Fealko became my doctor and why I'm going to keep her as long as I can!

The First Day of 2016

I was thinking I didn't really accomplish much yesterday, but then I reassessed and decided I accomplished plenty of things.  The house might be a disaster, and my to-do list is probably about a mile long, but despite that I think it's a good start for 2016.

• I made breakfast for the kids - waffles and bacon (and perhaps a mimosa for mama)
• Took the kids over to Danik open gym to run and jump around
• Played Sneaky Squirrel with the kids
• Folded a load of laundry
• Built a fort with Bryce
• Took down the Christmas tree
• Printed coloring pages for Claire
• Took my tamoxifen
• Took a little nap (couldn't convince Bryce to join me but Carlo did)
• Made dinner (well, if heating up soup and making grilled cheese counts as making dinner)
• Played Monopoly with Claire (actually it's Wazzuopoly, Go Cougs!)
• Shot baskets (indoor) with Bryce
• Let Claire and Elle have a sleepover
• Made milkshakes for the kids
• Helped the kids brush their teeth
• Tucked the kids into bed and kissed them goodnight
• Took a hot bath
• Typed up this list
• And then I watched a movie with my husband.  We have declared it a New Years Miracle that the kids were all asleep... but mommy was actually awake for a change!  (Can I blame tamoxifen for causing fatigue and making me fall asleep early most nights?)