Embracing the Bald (sort of?) and Chemo-Eve

Yes, I'm going to write MORE about having no hair.  I feel like I've written and talked about it more than I should.  Don't worry, hopefully in the near future I will have hair again and then it won't be something that is on my mind all the time.  In the meantime, I think about it a lot, and then I think about why I think about it...

Maybe because losing your hair is probably the most obvious sign that you are doing chemo.  On a casual basis and out in public, other people aren't going to know if you are nauseous or your mouth feels like you burned it on every surface and ate sandpaper or metal for breakfast.  They can't tell that your bones are aching or your period has stopped.  They might notice you don't look so hot or you look tired, like maybe you are catching a cold.  Maybe they will think you overdid it with the blush (nope, that's just the steroid).  They have absolutely no idea the emotional roller coaster you have been and are still on!

But if you have a bald head, that is one thing pretty much anyone is going to notice right away whether they mean to or not.  It stands out - on a woman at least.  If you wear a wig, then it's likely no one will ever notice.  If you wear a cap/hat it's pretty clear what's going on... especially when you are indoors or it's warm outside.  If you wear a scarf or turban... yeah cancer.  If you have just have a bald head... holy cow.

This past weekend I embraced my bald head.  We did a lot of yard work and it was warm outside... much too warm to comfortably wear a hat.  After the first few minutes I didn't feel weird, even with the neighbors and a bunch of kids around.  My one little nephew did tell me I looked scary, but he is only 4 and has the cutest little voice so I didn't mind.  I asked him if Juan looked scary too but didn't catch the response.  On Saturday evening me and some girlfriends went out for a drink and we were talking about my hair/head and I took my hat off to show them and then I just left it off.  I did wear my hat to Claire's soccer game... it was windy/chilly and also with so many kids around I was afraid it might be disturbing.  Back at work I kept my hat on... I'm just not all the way there where I can embrace it all the time.  Luckily I won't have to worry about it for much longer!

I'm hoping this is my only "opportunity" in my life to be bald, so why not try to embrace it?  Ha ha!

So... chemo tomorrow, the last one in case you forgot that part!  That will kill more hair follicles for the next 2-3 weeks and hopefully after a month of no chemo it will start growing back in.  Will it be gray/white/silver?  This is still my fear and I think the chances are high.  Lots of the tiny hairs left on my head now are gray.

We had a nice weekend and I felt really good.  Juan's sister and her boys were in town and so we invited the Horvath clan over for dinner on Friday night.  The cousins had so much fun playing together.  On Saturday, we ventured to the markets in downtown Boise.  That afternoon, we had 4 cubic yards of rock delivered to our driveway.  That's quite a lot of rock!  Claire had a soccer game in the late afternoon and after that Dawn and I met Beth & Stephanie for one last pre-chemo drink.  On Sunday we worked on moving the rock to its intended locations around the house.  We had some help from our neighbors - THANK YOU!!!! - and got about half of the pile moved so still have some work to do.  I sent an email to our "friendly" HOA person letting them know we were working on this project and would get it moved as quickly as we can, but that I have Chemo on Tuesday and so we would really appreciate some forgiveness if it is there a bit longer than they would like (I'm not sure what the "rules" are about this but the way our neighborhood is they might send a letter to us since it's been more than 24 hours or something crazy.  I will not appreciate this and so trying to be proactive.)  Sunday night Blaine came over and after we got the kids to bed we watched the new Game of Thrones episode.  We ate one our remaining freezer meals... a beef vegetable soup and it was really good so thank you to whatever kind friend made it!

I was so happy to have a fun weekend before my last chemo treatment.  Even though I'm not looking forward to the sluggish weekend ahead, I can't tell you how good it feels to know this will be the last one!  Cheers to that!!