Girls Night Turned Chemo Shower

{Update first} I had my port put in yesterday and it went just fine.  The worst part was I had to be at the hospital at 5:30 am!  I'm feeling pretty good today although I did just take a pain pill and now I feel even better.  I will write more about that later.

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My friends wanted to have a girls night before I start my chemo and we planned it for Thursday, February 12.  Last weekend Beth asked what I thought about getting pedicures.  That would have been great except that I had actually just gotten a lovely pedicure that morning.  My very generous coworkers, Christine and Liz, had given me a gift certificate to Visiato Salon, and I realized I better use it before my toe nails potentially start to fall off or do other weird things.

Beth called me the next day to ask what I thought about getting my hair cut that night instead.  My friend Kelli's sister is a hair dresser and had offered to help cut my hair if I would like.  At first I wasn't sure if I was ready.  I told Beth I'd better talk to Juan about it first, just in case he wasn't ready for it yet.  In reality I was just stalling; I knew that he would probably say to do whatever I wanted to do... which he did.  And so I decided to go for it.  Once I was committed to the idea, I actually felt sort of excited for it.  Like I mentioned in my other post, it was somewhat empowering to feel like I had a little bit of control over it.

Whenever we have a girls night (and they are pretty few and far between), but when we do, Claire always wants to come and for once she finally got her wish.  I wanted her to be a part of the big hair cut experience and to feel like she was one of the "girls."  She had gymnastics on Thursday and when that got over we drove out to Beth's house.

Based on a few comments Beth had made, I had an inkling that this girls night might be more than just getting my hair cut.  She had mentioned something about checking the MSTI accessory room for a cute hat to give me.  When we arrived at the house and there were some cute gift baskets on the table, my feelings were confirmed.  "Oh my goodness!" I said, "This is totally my Chemo Shower, isn't it?"

Jen had some other cute name for it and now I can't remember it for the life of me but it was funny, too.  Then I had to point out that the ribbon Beth used to decorate a dessert tray was in fact the ribbon she used on my baby shower invitations nearly 8 years ago.  Yes, this was a chemo shower.  I'm not sure if anyone else has ever coined this term, but I would like to take credit for it.  Beth joked that we could play the traditional chemo shower game of "Who can tie the turban the fastest" (we didn't actually do that).

These girls!  The gifts were all so thoughtful and useful.  I have several cute hats now.  Some comfy clothes for chemo days (or any days) and for exercising.  Lemon drops and mints to help alleviate the metallic taste chemo can cause.  Lotion and eye drops to help with the dryness it causes.  Hand sanitizer to keep the germs at bay.  A water bottle to keep me hydrated.  Magazines to keep my mind occupied with something besides my reality.  Protein shakes to help with my red blood cells.  Even a cute garbage can to keep by my bed in case the nausea gets the best of me.  Kelli's mother-in-law and fellow breast cancer survivor, Leslie, even sent me a Willowtree angel signifying "courage."  That one may have brought the tears to my eyes.

We had a lovely dinner and thankfully a few glasses of wine to take the edge off.  Kelli's sister, Rachel, arrived and we got down to business.  The cutting of the hair.  First I got my hair wet in the shower and then the moment of truth had arrived.  I had to get one last "before" shot of my hair.  Who knows what it might look like when it grows back in later this year.  There is a good chance it will never be the same (that might be ok... it's not like I had great hair anyway).

Rachel was so awesome.  She let Claire help cut off all those curls.  The second she started cutting, razoring I actually think, the back off I know my eyes and my mouth were about as wide as they could be!  It was the craziest feeling ever.  Talk about being the center of attention!  It was pretty surreal sitting there surrounded by my friends while my daughter (with assistance) cut off all my hair.

After all the razor cutting, Claire was released from her duties and Rachel took back over.  After more cutting, I rinsed my head in the shower again and decided I wanted to go even shorter.  Why not?

One more rinse, some final trimming, and I was good to go.  Look at all of that hair!  Claire had fun helping to sweep the floor.  Apparently I need to put this girl to work at home more.

Claire really did not want to take a break from sweeping to have a picture but I forced her to anyway.

This is Rachel.  I cannot thank her enough for giving me such a cute cut and taking time out her day to help me.  It was really special to be able to do this with my friends and not in a salon.  I wasn't sure how emotional it might be, and I think it was much more comfortable to be able to do it like this.

These are my girls... (left to right)
Top: Stephanie Evans, Jen Mauk, Jenni Brazier, Allison Sandel, Dawn Harelson
Bottom: Kelli Fulkerson, Megan DeAngelo, Claire, me, Beth Seeger

At the last minute, when I figured out this might be a chemo shower, I decided I wanted to give the girls a little thank you for all their support and help.  I made these little tags which I put on a box of valentine sweet hearts.  I thought the Sicilian Proverb (thanks Google) was appropriate for the theme of the evening, as I was counting on my friends to tactfully give me their honest opinions.

It's definitely taking a bit to get used to this short hair.  It feels so weird.  When I shake my head (which I've been doing a lot) nothing moves.  There really isn't anything there to move.  It feels like a helmet... I hope it doesn't look like one.  I'm sure I will get used to it, probably just in time for it all to fall out and I can't even begin to imagine what that is going to feel like!  When I catch myself in the mirror I have to do a double take.  When I get out of the shower I realize that I am used to sort of "flipping" my hair back to get it away from my face or something.  It's apparently an automatic motion that I do, only now I notice myself doing it because there is no hair to "flip" so it feels super awkward.

I can tell you it is pretty awesome to just towel dry your head and be done if you want.  I don't need my turby-twists any more.  I have some gel (thanks Beau & Jenni!) that is helping so it doesn't look poofy.  Poofy = NOT GOOD!  Thankfully, my fears about the curls looking like an afro were unfounded.  There is not enough hair left to curl... my curls are more wavy and they are long gone.  I do think I might look a little like a boy.  Especially when I don't have makeup on.  I think having my hair short now is going to make it easier to transition to having no hair at all so I have no regrets about doing this.

I have been told that I am not to write thank you notes for all the lovely gifts I was given and I will take that to heart this time.  I feel like I have been saying thank you so much that it is losing it's meaning but I don't know what else to say.

I just cannot express how it feels to have all these people supporting me and my family in so many ways...  Through meals, positive thoughts and prayers, phone calls and messages, cute hats, and lots of long hugs.  I now have documented proof that once you get a cancer diagnosis everyone's hugs are a little tighter... a little longer.  Bryce and I call them "squeezy hugs" and I have to make a special request to get one from him, but he usually obliges.

I will let this post serve as a thank you note for all my chemo shower gifts, and more than anything for the love and support you girls give me everyday.  Thank you!