Thoughts on Hair While I Still Have It

I have often complained about my hair.  Anyone who knows me probably knows that I usually just pull it back in a pony tail or clip and call it good.  Hair dryer?  Takes WAY to long with my thick hair.  Curl or flat iron?  Also takes a long time, plus the hair has to be dry first (see my first issue).  Hair cuts?  Is it really necessary to get one more than once or twice a year?  Last year I had my hair cut and the girl cut it shorter than I really intended, but I ended up liking it quite a bit and have since embraced the wild waves/curls and worn it down a lot (in part because at first it was too short to pull up, gasp!).

The other thing about my hair... it's totally on it's way to turning gray... and has been for quite some time.  At the pool last summer Claire was playing with another kid and when his mom asked if Claire's mommy was the blonde one, Claire said, "Yes, but she dyes it because it's turning gray."  I used to try and pull the gray hairs but over the last few years it became obvious that I would be half bald if I did that.  I used to get it highlighted but (a) it's expensive and more importantly (b) I don't have time to keep it up with regular appointments.  Part of the reason I cut my hair shorter last year was so that it would be easier for me to color at home.  It's a pain but I think it has looked ok (and most importantly NOT orange).  I remember asking my mom a few years ago how long before my hair is all gray... like 10, 15 years?  She was like, sorry, not that long.  The gray is a family trait... and it's only a matter of time until I have lovely silver hair like my grandma and mom.  But at 37 I really am not ready for that yet!  

Of course I'm even less prepared to be bald.  Although I think I'm possibly more concerned about when my hair does grow back that it will grow back all gray or white.  I think it's totally possible this could happen.  Thanks cancer.  Of course it's also possible it could come back darker brown or more blonde, I suppose.  They say it can happen.  People have stick straight hair, go through chemo, and it comes back thick and curly.  Maybe mine will come back sleek and shiny (and any color but gray)... that would be ok.

In the meantime I'm taking control (as much as possible) and chopping my hair super short this week.  I'm definitely nervous about it!  I have a delusion that maybe my hair won't fall out and so I should wait.  But in reality I think it might make the transition to no hair a little easier, especially since I've been wearing it down and curly so much lately.  People I've talked to (who've been there) say having it short when it starts falling out is good and won't feel as bad.  When it really starts falling out, I'll probably shave it off anyway.  I already have a deal with Juan... I've shaved his head many times... now it will be his turn.

I'm kind of afraid I might look like a boy.  I see lots of cute pixie cuts online, but the women are usually models or actresses and abnormally beautiful.  Also most have lots of makeup on which isn't me.  I wonder if I really like the hair or is it just the girl is so pretty that any hair will be great on her.

I'm not sure what my hair will do when it's really short.  It's got quite a bit of waves/curl in it.  I'm thinking if it's super short there won't be enough length of hair to curl anyway?

So here are some of the pictures I like.  I tried to find some that have more body/waves because that might be what mine would end up looking like, although I like the straighter ones the most.  

Can you imagine any of these hair cuts on my face?  Opinions?  Help!