Diary of Losing My Hair

Retrospective:  Chop hair on February 12.  I don't think I mentioned it, but I sobbed that morning as I washed my hair.  I remember rinsing it over and over and squeezing the water out of it while I cried...  Trying to accept the fact I wouldn't have... get... to do that again for a long time.  When I remember that now I  realize that is part of why I haven't been as freaked out about losing the rest of it... I already said my goodbyes.  First chemo infusion on February 17.  The waiting begins... how long before it starts to fall out?  I read discussion boards on the internet to find out how long it took for other people.  Every nurse or doctor I talk to reconfirms that it will fall out.

Sunday, March 1:  Day 12... the chemo nurse said expect it to start falling out between day 12 and 19.  I try on all my new hats and mess around with a scarf I have.  I google things like "how to tie a scarf on your bald head" and "chemo hats."  I find this blog and watch her videos about wearing scarves.  I would love to look as pretty as this girl after my hair falls out!

Monday, March 2:  I continue to waste time on the internet looking for cute hats, scarves, or other wigs I might want to at least try on.  I found some cute things which makes me think it will be ok,; shopping is always kind of fun.  Love these hats by Suburban Turban, but kind of pricey and they ship from the UK.  I wonder if I could make something similar myself?

How cute are these hats by Muluk13/Muluk.  They are out of Portland, OR.

GypsyLoveHeadbands has some really cute styles, too.

 

What about wigs... I really like the ones Krista loaned me but also have thought I might want a curly style or even a short one now that I'm used to my short hair.  It might be fun to have options.

Tuesday, March 3:  Day 14... 2 weeks after my first infusion.  I've read how this is the magic number for lots of people.  Mine's not really falling out yet.  Scalp feels a little tender near the crown, like when you've worn a pony tail all day.  I was told to expect this feeling.  A few hairs fell out when I was styling it but nothing crazy.  I read this Q & A article on the internet... a good article with information specific to my chemo drugs (Taxotere and Cytoxan).  This part of course jumps out at me... "Q: And the side effects?"  A: ...Hair loss.  Sorry, no two ways about it, Cytoxan will see to it that you lose some or all of your hair.  This will probably happen 2 to 4 weeks after your first injection.  It's the same thing Dr. Bridges and all the nurses have said out loud.

Wednesday, March 4:  Scalp still a little tender when I woke up, but not bad.  I did notice when I plucked a couple gray hairs (Why am I still doing this? Plus it's so stupid because I am not exaggerating when I tell you they are everywhere)... Anyway, I noticed they came right out with no problem.  At work I can't stop touching my hair and every time I do at least a couple hairs are left on my fingers.  I'm thinking the end is near.

Thursday, March 5:  Yep, it's starting to fall out.  My scalp was very tender again this morning and in the shower there were more hairs than normal.  Still not clumps, but quite a few.  A couple times I've scratched my head or just run fingers through my hair only to have several strands left on my fingers.  Wonder how many days before I feel like I should just shave it off?

Friday, March 6:  Oh my goodness.  There is absolutely no question it is totally falling out.  There is a fairly significant difference from yesterday to today.  I think this morning might be the last time I wash my hair for a long time.  It was definitely disturbing seeing all these strands on my hands.  I think it would be even worse if my hair was still longer.  I don't know if I can stand to wash it again because it felt so... wrong.  I think I will wait to shave it until my parents get to see my short hair cut in person tonight/tomorrow and then it's going to be adios.  I fully understand why so many people recommend shaving it off when this starts.  I also think it might be good for the kids to be here when we shave it off.  Seems like it might be disconcerting for them to return from Tekoa to find a bald mom when she wasn't that way when they left.